I was recently made redundant from my day job so am now, at the age of 56, back out there having to hustle for freelance work. I naturally began to reach out to my so-called network. But I quickly realised that I haven’t been great at nurturing contacts and keeping in touch with people over the years.

It’s a bit like my performance on social media. As writers we’re constantly told we need to self-promote, but I always feel uncomfortable and a bit imposter-ish putting myself out there. And as I’ve had two books to promote recently, I’ve been forcing myself to be especially annoying.

When networking or posting, I think things like: Surely people are sick of me by now? Is anyone even looking at these posts? I feel like I’m constantly begging it, as my teen daughters would say.

I looked up former clients and business contacts, people I once hired or were hired by. But so many of these relationships were so dormant it felt nakedly desperate. There is no easy way to message someone out of the blue after five years and lay claim to a fond friendship that has mysteriously lain dormant until the moment when, quite coincidentally, you just happen to be desperate for work. That saying about how you treat people on the way up… reverberated around my head.

Like me, I’m sure many people feel uncomfortable about reaching out to people to ask for work when they haven’t spoken in ages. It can feel fake or desperate or cynical. But a strange thing happened. I’ve discovered – it’s OK. Late or sporadic networking is better than no networking.

I’ve got some potential big projects to do this month from a man I reached out to on LinkedIn that I haven’t spoken to in at least 10 years. He happens to be someone who posts frequently about the powers of networking and is always receptive to people who reach out. His deceptively simple mantra is: ‘be seen and make friends’.

Part of the problem, he thinks, is that networking relationships tend towards the transactional, whereas ‘they don’t have to start with an exchange of value. Sometimes, they’re simply about connection, curiosity, and a genuine affinity’.

And rather than worrying what the other person might think, he says we should just get on with it. ‘In reality, most people are just as open to being approached as you are — and, frankly, many are just as unsure about how to start.

‘The best thing you can offer someone isn’t always advice, access, or solutions. Sometimes, it’s as simple as showing genuine interest, asking thoughtful questions, showing up.’

And what’s the worst that can happen? Nothing much. You might get ignored, but so what. And if you don’t ask, you don’t get.

So true. I always had an affinity with this person, and when we sense an affinity with someone it’s rarely one-way. So even if there’d be nothing transactional that came out of our re-connecting, it was really just nice to have a Zoom catch-up.

And I’ve realised it’s OK to be a reluctant, tardy networker. It’s OK to get in touch with people only when you need something, if you go about it the right way – be honest and real. People have often approached me like this over the years, come to think of it, and I’ve helped where I could; I’ve certainly never been offended.

It’s all just business, after all, it’s all just life. Most people will get this, because most people have been slightly desperate and rather poor networkers at one time or another too. They’ve been where you are.

BIO – Dan Brotzel’s latest novel is Thank You For The Days.